Welcome to our hilarious journey through the world of doctor and medicine puns.
Whether you’re a doctor, a medical professional, a patient, or just someone who enjoys a good laugh, this article is guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
Get ready to chuckle, giggle, and maybe even groan at our curated collection of puns that will inject some humor into your day faster than a flu shot.
So, take note of these medicines and doctor puns and prescribe them wherever they fit perfectly.
Doctor And Medicine Puns – Top Picks
1. What kind of tests do doctors give to pilots? Flyglucose tests.
2. I was feeling under the weather, so I went to see a witch doctor. Turns out, I just needed to eat more vegetables.
3. I played hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
4. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the doctor’s office? Because he had a backbone and didn’t need spine-sters.
5. Why did the doctor go to the casino? Because he wanted to practice some cardiology.
6. Why did the doctor go on vacation? He needed a little R&R – rest and rheumatology.
7. Why did the dalmatian go to the doctors? Because every time she looked in the mirror she saw spots.
8. I went to the doctor complaining of a sore throat. She told me to stop singing in the shower, but I’m just trying to become a soap opera star.
9. What do you call a veterinarian who can only take care of one animal at a time? A uni-corned doctor.
10. Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet.
11. Why did the doctor write a prescription for a new pencil? Because he heard it was #2 in the series.
12. What did the doctor say to the patient who was afraid of needles? “Just relax, you’ll only feel a little prick.”
13. What did one kidney say to the other after a successful surgery? “Urine good hands with this doctor.”
14. I asked the doctor for a second opinion. She said, “I don’t think you need a second opinion. I already told you that you have a bad sense of humor.”
15. Did you hear about the doctor who became a chef? He was great at giving his patients food for thought.
16. Did you hear about the doctor who dropped his stethoscope in the ocean? He was looking for a wave-length.
17. Why was the doctor always calm and collected? He had a great bedside manner.
18. Why did the doctor perform surgery with a timer? Because he wanted to make sure it was a cut-throat procedure.
19. I told my doctor that I was having trouble sleeping. She told me to take a nap right there on the exam table.
20. What did the doctor say to the patient who was worried about her memory? “Just don’t forget to pay your bill on time.”
21. I was feeling down, so I went to see my doctor. She prescribed some medicine made from ground stairs. It really lifted my spirits.
22. Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
23. What do you call a doctor who is addicted to surgery? An inCISStent surgeon.
You might also like Engineer puns.
One Liner Doctor And Medicine Puns
1. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
2. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
3. Laughter is the best medicine, unless you’re a doctor. Then it’s propofol.
4. A good doctor can read your body like a book, but a great doctor can read your thoughts like a psychic.
5. Why did the doctor lose his temper? Because he had severe patients.
6. The doctor told me to take a spoonful of medicine every six hours. I asked him if I could take the whole bottle at once and he didn’t find it as funny as I did.
7. A stitch in time saves nine, but a doctor’s bill ruins your finances.
8. A doctor’s handwriting is the universal language of confusion.
9. You know you’re getting old when your doctor starts prescribing patience instead of medication.
10. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
11. Why did the doctor wear glasses? To look more professional (i.e. eye doctor).
12. Why did the doctor go to art school? For his finger-painting skills.
13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing (which was a doctor).
14. Why did the nurse always carry a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood.
15. The best doctors in the world are Dr. Mom and Dr. Dad.
16. Why did the doctor have a bad temper? Because he had a lot of pills to swallow.
17. An aspirin a day keeps the heart attack away, but so does a daily dose of chocolate.
18. The best cure for a hangover is drinking too much water before going to bed. Take it from Dr. Seuss.
19. I have an irrational fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
20. If you can’t pronounce the name of your medication, it’s probably working.
21. Why couldn’t the bicycle relax and enjoy its vacation? Because it was always two-tired.
22. A doctor’s office is the only place where you can get a sticker and a lollipop as an adult and feel good about it.
23. I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn’t have the patience.
24. A good doctor knows how to treat the body, but a great doctor also knows how to heal the soul.
25. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URLologist.
26. A doctor is like a superhero without a cape, saving lives one prescription at a time.
27. They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but what about a bottle of wine?
28. I just got back from a trip to the psychiatrist. It was a mind-bending experience.
29. They say laughter is the best medicine, but I don’t think that counts for when I laugh so hard I pee my pants.
30. The only time a doctor enjoys giving a rectal exam is when their patient has their head up their own ass.
31. You know it’s time to see a doctor when your WebMD search history is longer than your actual illness.
Also see Lawyer puns.
Q&A Medical And Doctor Puns
1. Q: How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they just tell the lightbulb to take two aspirins and get some rest.
2. Q: What did the doctor say when the patient asked how many times they should take their medicine? A: “Pills a day keeps the doctor away.”
3. Q: Why did the doctor say “Oops” during surgery? A: Because they accidentally performed an operation on the wrong person!
4. Q: What’s the best way to avoid seeing a doctor? A: Stay healthy, or become one yourself.
5. Q: What’s a doctor’s favorite type of music? A: Hip-op.
6. Q: Why was the doctor always calm? A: They had a lot of patients.
7. Q: What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A: A URL-gist.
8. Q: What did the doctor say when asked for advice on how to quit smoking? A: “You just have to break the habit. And if that’s too hard, just smoke on the other side of your body.”
9. Q: Why did the doctor refuse to operate on the patient? A: It was a touchy subject.
10. Q: What do you call a selfish and unqualified doctor? A: An Egomaniac Surgeon.
11. Q: Did you hear about the doctor who accidentally left their stethoscope inside a patient? A: It was a real heart-stopper.
12. Q: How do you know if someone is a doctor? A: They have a lot of patients.
13. Q: What did the doctor say to the patient with high blood pressure? A: “Just take it one pulse at a time.”
14. Q: How does the skeleton greet the doctor? A: “Bone-jour!”
15. Q: What did the doctor say to the patient who complained about their broken arm? A: “Don’t worry, I’ll give you a hand.”
16. Q: What do you call a doctor that fixes computer bugs? A: A virus surgeon.
17. Q: What did the doctor say when asked about the best way to treat a cold? A: “Just give it a hug and a kiss, and it’ll run away.”
18. Q: What do doctors call it when they accidentally prescribe too much medicine? A: A pill-boo.
19. Q: What’s the difference between a doctor and a lawyer? A: A doctor can bury their mistakes, but a lawyer can only advise to plant bushes.
20. Q: Why did the doctor take a vacation? A: To relax and recharge their scalpel batteries.
21. Q: Why did the doctor bring a ladder to work? A: Because he heard the patients’ conditions were looking up!
22. Q: What did the doctor prescribe to the invisible man? A: Something to make him reappear!
23. Q: Why did the doctor sit on a pencil? A: To draw some attention!
24. Q: How did the doctor fix the broken heart? A: With plenty of TLC – Tender Loving Care!
Doctor And Medicines Jokes & Puns
1. Why did the doctor go to the psychiatrist? To get some medical advice!
2. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? To draw blood!
3. Knock knock. Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? Exactly.
4. I was going to tell a joke about viruses, but it’s too infective.
5. Why did the doctor go to the math competition? Because he wanted to solve for X-ray!
6. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
7. What do you call a doctor who lives next door? A neighbor-cologist.
8. Why did the doctor write all his jokes down? He had a transcribe-able sense of humor!
9. The optometrist was the best at making eye contact.
10. Why did the patient keep telling the same joke over and over again during surgery? He was under anesthetics and thought he was funny.
11. What did the doctor say to the patient who had a temperature of 102 degrees? Stay cool!
12. What do you call a doctor who specializes in hand transplantation? Doc Handal!
13. Why did the nurse go to art school? She wanted to learn how to draw blood!
14. What do you call a doctor who fixes injuries by hitting them with a hammer? A trauma-banger.
15. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but my doctor helped me get over it.
16. Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a whole bottle of prescription pills? She forgot to take them with water and became a little patient.
17. Knock knock. Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? Precisely.
18. The psychiatrist was known for her Freudian slips.
19. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URL-ologist.
20. Why was the dentist always so intense? He was always drilling for a deeper meaning in life.
21. Don’t worry, the prescription will klutz up your symptoms in no time.
22. Why was the doctor always calm and relaxed? He had a lot of patients.
23. Did you hear about the orthopedic surgeon who accidentally manipulated his patient’s hands backwards? His patient gave him a hand for it.
24. What do you call a walking, talking physician? A mobile practitioner!
25. What’s the difference between a doctor and a clown? One prescribes medicine, the other just acts funny.
26. Why do nurses always carry red markers? In case they need to draw blood.
27. Why did the doctor give his patient an apple? He wanted to keep the doctors away!
28. What do you call a doctor who mixes up his prescriptions? A pill-ologist!
29. Did you hear about the doctor who got locked out of his office? He had a lot of patience.
30. Why did the doctor always have a messy desk? Because he was always diagnosing handwriting.
31. Why was the orthopedist always so tense? Because she was always under pressure.
32. Why did the doctor teach his patients about fractions? He wanted to show them how to reduce their prescriptions!
33. Why did the doctor tell his patient to stop telling dad jokes? They were causing him too much groaning pain.
34. The patient’s condition is turning for the nurse.
35. Why did the doctor become an actor? He had a lot of patients.
36. I took my dog to the veterinarian. He said, ‘I need to put her on a low-bark diet.’
37. I thought about becoming a doctor, but I didn’t have the patience.
38. Why did the doctor do muscle exercises in math class? He wanted to improve his numbers’ crunches!
39. A doctor told his patient he had a terminal illness and only 3 months to live. The patient replied, “I’d like a second opinion”. The doctor said, “Okay, you’re ugly too”.
40. Why was the doctor always the life of the party? He had a great bedside manner!
41. My doctor told me I needed to stop eating cookies so much. I said, ‘What? They’re whole grains!’
42. What do you call a doctor who operates on vegetables? A stem-cell specialist!
43. Did you hear about the doctor who lost his license? He left it in the back of a cab-oodle!
44. You need to get more Vitamin C, otherwise your immune system will be shot down in flames.
45. I can’t believe they fired the anesthesiologist. He was always putting people to sleep on the job.
46. Did you hear about the pediatrician who could never find her stethoscope? She had a lot of patience.
47. I asked my doctor if I could have a second opinion. He replied, ‘Sure, come back tomorrow and we’ll see if I’ve changed my mind.’
48. I went to the doctor with a sore throat. He told me to stop singing the blues. Apparently, I had a case of the croakery.
49. Why did the doctor keep a jar of pennies in his office? He was hoping for some change for his patients!
50. What did the doctor order for lunch? A club sandwich!
51. Did you hear about the claustrophobic doctor? He cured himself by thinking outside the box!
52. I’ll order some croutons for your salad, it’s important to have a crisp spine.
53. What did one X-ray technician say to the other? Be positive!
54. Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains. Well, go ahead and pull yourself together then.
55. Did you hear about the cardiologist who only dated athletes? She had a thing for cardio-jocks.
Knock Knock Doctor Puns
1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Surgeon. Surgeon who? Surgeon, I think I’ve lost my funny bone, can you help me find it?
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Clinic. Clinic who? Clinic you inform me when I’m supposed to laugh at this?
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Prescription. Prescription who? Prescription for healing your laughter muscles.
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Needle. Needle who? Needle a doctor, stat!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bandage. Bandage who? Bandage your wounds, here comes a hilarious joke.
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? Doctor says laughter is the best medicine.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mental. Mental who? Mental patient looking for some humor.
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Specialist. Specialist who? Specialist in making people laugh.
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Surgeon. Surgeon who? Surgeon, can you operate on this terrible joke?
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Prescription. Prescription who? Prescription for laughter, coming right up!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stethoscope. Stethoscope who? Stethoscope, can you hear me laughing?
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anesthesia. Anesthesia who? Anesthesia pleasure to meet you.
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anesthesiologist. Anesthesiologist who? Anesthesiologist be having a great time laughing.
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Heart. Heart who? Heart surgeon, ready to operate on anyone not laughing at this joke.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Medication. Medication who? Medication for your case of the Mondays.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Examination. Examination who? Examination day, time for funny business.
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Patient. Patient who? Patiently waiting for my appointment with the doctor.
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doc. Doc who? Doc-tor your funny bone is broken.
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? Doctor your medicine, it seems to be too bitter.
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Specialist. Specialist who? Specialist in cheesy jokes.
21. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Suture. Suture who? Suture self, and let’s share a laugh!
22. Knock, knock. Who’s there? X-ray. X-ray who? X-ray-mine if I inject a little humor into your day?
23. Knock, knock. Who’s there? MRI. MRI who? MRI-ally glad you’re here for some medical humor!
24. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Thermometer. Thermometer who? Thermometer, I’ve got a joke that will make you feel better!
25. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scalpel. Scalpel who? Scalpel, let’s dissect this joke and find the funny!
You can also see our Artist puns.
Conclusion
As we wrap up our journey through the world of doctor and medicine puns, we hope you’ve enjoyed this lighthearted exploration of humor in the medical realm.
From witty wordplay to clever jokes, puns have a unique way of injecting laughter into even the most serious of situations.
So whether you’re a healthcare professional, a patient, or simply someone in need of a good laugh, remember to keep these puns handy for those moments when you need a pick-me-up or just want to share a smile with others.
After all, laughter is often the best medicine.