Lawyer Puns & One Liner Jokes 200+

Welcome to the lighter side of the legal world. Law might be a serious profession, but that doesn’t mean lawyers don’t appreciate a good laugh.

A well-timed pun can bring a smile even in the most solemn courtroom. Whether you’re a legal eagle, a law student, or just someone who enjoys a clever play on words, our collection of lawyer puns is sure to provide a brief respite from the daily grind.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the best lawyer puns that are bound to be the judge, jury, and executioner of humor.

Lawyer Puns – Top Picks

1. Why did the chicken file a lawsuit? For crossing the road without a valid permit.

2. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other jurisdiction.

3. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

4. Why did the lawyer always on time? Because he was always brief.

5. How do lawyers say goodbye? I’ll see you in tort.

6. Why did the law student bring a ladder to the courtroom? Because he wanted to reach the highest bar.

7. Why don’t attorneys look out the window in the morning? Otherwise, they would have nothing to do in the afternoon.

8. What do you call a lazy lawyer? A pro-bono relaxo.

9. What do lawyers wear to court? Law suits.

10. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Because of the sands of time.

11. Why did the lawyer shut down his practice? He lost his injunction.

12. Why did the judge dismiss the charges against the tomato? Because it was tomato-paste limitations.

13. Why was the lawyer always on time? Because he was always brief.

14. Did you hear about the convicted burglar who became a lawyer? He wanted to improve his legal record.

15. What’s a lawyer’s favorite plant? Legal-ese.

16. Did you hear about the lawyer who became a bartender? He wanted to pass the bar in a different way.

17. Why did the lawyer break up with her boyfriend? He was objecting too much.

18. What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Litigation on the rocks.

19. What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? Odor in the court!

20. What did the judge say to the guilty cow? You are a-moo-sed of a crime.

21. Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? For reSnooping rain-drops.

22. A man sued the hotel for losing his luggage. Unfortunately, he lost his case.

23. Don’t judge a law book by the cover-up.

24. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.

25. Why did the banker hire a lawyer? He wanted someone to make him some briefs.

26. How does a lawyer cry? Tears of objection.

27. What do you call a good lawyer? Briefly, a rare breed.

You might also like accountant puns.

One Liner Lawyer Puns

1. Why did the lawyer bring his dog to court? He wanted to prove that justice was a paw-ssible outcome!
2. What do you call a lawyer who’s lost his case? A disbarred attorney!
3. Why did the lawyer become a gardener? He wanted to sow some seeds of doubt.
4. Why did the lawyer bring a car door to court? He wanted to open and shut the case.
5. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
6. Why did the lawyer go to the bar? To raise the bar.
7. What’s a lawyer’s favorite breakfast food? Suegar coated
8. Why don’t lawyers ever win at poker? They fold under pressure.
9. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the courthouse.
10. Why did the lawyer go to law school? Because they couldn’t pass the bar any other way.
11. How do lawyers resemble physicians? They both bury their mistakes.
12. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
13. What’s a lawyer’s favorite candy? Jury beans.
14. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three – one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company!
15. Why did the judge refuse to eat the evidence? Because he didn’t want to be a cannibal of justice!
16. Why did the lawyer bring a spoon to court? He wanted to stir up some trouble!
17. Why was the judge always so serious? He was trying to maintain a courtious demeanor!
18. What did the law book say to the dictionary? You have more definitions, but I have more cases!
19. Legal puns are our brief specialty.
20. You can’t spell “lawsuit” without us.
21. Lawyers are briefed for success.
22. Why did the scarecrow become a lawyer? He was outstanding in his field.
23. How does a lawyer say goodbye? We’ll be in touch.
24. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything – including legal arguments.
25. Why did the lawyer tell the joke backward? To get a reversed verdict.
26. Why do they call it the bar exam? Because after you take it, you’ll need a drink!
27. Did you hear about the lawyer who became a musician? He couldn’t handle all the lawsuits!
28. Why did the judge wear sunglasses in court? Because he didn’t want to be accused of looking biased!
29. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue, of course!
30. Why was the lawyer always so calm in court? He had a fantastic briefcase to hold all his briefs!
31. What did the judge have for lunch? A sandwich with an order of contempt on the side!
32. What did the judge say when the cat entered the courtroom? Order, order in the court! Or should I say, meowder, meowder in the court!
33. Why was the jury made up of odd numbers? They couldn’t find 12 people who wanted to be on a jury!
34. What did the judge say to the defendant who refused to speak? I’m sorry, sir, but I have no comments to plead!
35. A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.

Q&A lawyer Puns

1. Q: How does a lawyer start his day? A: With a brief coffee break.
2. Q: Why did the judge go on a diet? A: Because he wanted to be more judgmental.
3. Q: What did the police officer say to his bellybutton? A: You’re under a vest.
4. Q: What do lawyers wear when they go surfing? A: Lawsuits.
5. Q: Why did the judge quit his job? A: Because he lost his appeal.
6. Q: How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? A: Take your foot off their head.
7. Q: What do you call a lawyer who is also a detective? A: Sherlock Holmes and gardenias..
8. Q: What kind of tea do lawyers drink? A: Legal-ly blended tea.
9. Q: What do you call a lawyer who loves to dance? A: A sue-prima donna.
10. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb after a power outage? A: Three, one to sue the utility company, one to sue the lightbulb manufacturer, and one to sue the person who flicked the switch.
11. Q: Why did the defense attorney go to art school? A: To learn how to draw out the case.
12. Q: Why did the chicken file a restraining order against the farmer? A: He kept pulling her feathers.
13. Q: Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? A: To help his client reach a fair verdict.
14. Q: What did the jury have to be dismissed? A: The defense attorney was caught trying to bribe them with candy bars.
15. Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle be found guilty? A: It was two-tired.
16. Q: What do you call a lawyer who is afraid of a chicken? A: Fowl-ly Disbarred.
17. Q: How do you greet a lawyer at a party? A: You say “evict-ed to meet you!”
18. Q: Why was the lawyer always confident? A: Because he had a strong case.
19. Q: Why did the attorney wear a belt with suspenders? A: Just in case he needed to hold court.
20. Q: Why did the chicken hire a lawyer? A: Because she was being pecked-on by other chickens.
21. Q: How does a lawyer sleep? A: Briefly, but with a pillowcase full of evidence.
22. Q: Why do they call it the bar exam? A: Because after you take it, you may need a drink.
23. Q: What did the grape say when the lawyer stepped on it? A: “I plead wine-insanity!”
24. Q: Why did the mime go to law school? A: He wanted to learn how to argue without saying anything.
25. Q: What kind of law firm does a cow start? A: A moootion picture firm.
26. Q: Why did the jury go on strike? A: They wanted to reach a verdict, but they couldn’t reach a verdict.
27. Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian and a lawyer? A: All the answers, but no one believes them.
28. Q: What kind of law firm does a cow start? A: A moootion picture firm.
29. Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom? A: “Odor in the court!”
30. Q: How does a lawyer say goodbye to their client? A: We’ll see you in court.
31. Q: Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? A: Because the shore is always a little too sandy.
32. Q: Why did the paralegal quit her job? A: She wasn’t satisfied with her pro Bono work.
33. Q: How do you make a contract with a ghost? A: You use a transparent agreement.
34. Q: How do you know if a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving.
35. Q: How do you get away with stealing a coat from a lawyer? A: You lawyer the jacket!
36. Q: What do you call a group of lawyers going door-to-door trying to find clients? A: A lawsuit parade.
37. Q: Why do they bury lawyers 20 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they’re not really bad people.
38. Q: Why did the jury have to be dismissed? A: The defense attorney was caught trying to bribe them with candy bars.
39. Q: What did the police officer say to the robber who stole a calendar? A: You’re going to do time.
40. Q: What do you call a group of judges in a hot tub? A: The court of public opinions.

Also see Book puns.

Hilarious Quotes on Lawyer Puns

1. “They say possession is nine-tenths of the law – but I’ve never seen a judge award custody to my kids’ toys.”

2. “I’m pretty sure ‘jury of your peers’ is just code for ‘sit next to 12 strangers for hours.’”

3. “If laws were truly enforced, half the population would be in prison and the other half would be running for office.”

4. “The law may be blind, but it sure knows how to spot a cash bribe.”

5. “A witty judge makes a courtroom less of a courtroom and more of a comedy show.”

6. “Laws are like sausages – it’s best not to see them being made.”

7. “The only thing more expensive than a good lawyer is a bad lawyer.”

8. “Justice may be blind, but it can still smell the BS.”

9. “The only thing more confusing than the law is trying to assemble IKEA furniture.”

10. “Marriage is like the legal system – it takes years to get out and costs a fortune.”

11. “Is it just me, or does the word ‘parole’ sound like a fancy French dessert?”

12. “I may be a lawyer, but I still can’t help you with your ex’s alimony payments.”

13. “When in doubt, lawyer up; it’s better to pay for legal defense than a lifetime of regret.”

14. “A good attorney can make even the guiltiest of clients look innocent… or at least get them a lighter sentence.”

15. “You can tell a lot about a person by the size of their settlement.”

16. “Let’s be real, the real MVP of the legal system is the court stenographer.”

17. “I plead guilty to being charming and devastatingly handsome… in the courtroom, that is.”

18. “I’m not a lawyer, I just play one on TV… and in the courtroom.”

19. “Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Witness: Isn’t that what I’m here for?”

20. “The only thing worse than a bad lawyer is a bad haircut – at least the lawyer can be fixed.”

21. “The best defense against a criminal charge is a good alibi and a better pair of shoes.”

22. “When it comes to the law, ignorance isn’t just bliss; it’s also a damn good defense.”

23. “Lawyers are like onions, they have layers of expertise and offer a good cry when needed.”

24. “I didn’t commit a crime, officer, I was just testing the limits of the law of gravity.”

25. “A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the loopholes.”

26. “Don’t trust a lawyer with a toupee; they’re used to covering up the truth.”

27. “Breaking the law is like taking a math test with a pen… it’s a sharp mistake.”

28. “The legal system: where innocent until proven guilty only applies to dogs.”

29. “I object! Can we take a recess so I can go grab a Frappuccino?”

30. “Lawyers have the power to turn a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ into a 30-minute debate.”

31. “The one time you want jury duty: when you’re binge-watching your favorite show.”

32. “I may not be a judge, but I can certainly hold court in my backyard.”

33. “You may have a fool for a client, but you definitely have a fool for a lawyer.”

34. “The only thing faster than a speeding bullet is a lawyer chasing an ambulance.”

35. “Why do they call it ‘going to court’ when everyone just sits?”

36. “I may be a bird lawyer, but I can still rule the roost in the courtroom.”

37. “I didn’t choose the legal life, the legal life chose me… and it’s been a wild ride ever since.”

38. “If you have a good lawyer, anything is possible – even a guilty verdict.”

39. “I’m pretty sure it’s against the law to look that good in a courtroom.”

40. “A court without a jester is like a pencil without lead… pointless.”

41. “Yes, your honor, I do have a trick up my sleeve… and it’s called the fine print.”

Knock Knock Lawyer Puns

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law and order, baby!

2. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-ling your eyes out with this one!

3. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-rd almighty, please let this joke be funny.

4. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-ndon calling, they want their joke back!

5. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-lapalooza of laughs, am I right?

6. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-LA land of the free.

7. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-fickle! Don’t you fickle out on me now!

8. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-ng time no hear from you.

9. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-Knock, you’re gonna want to hear this!

10. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-t of people are laughing at this right now.

11. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-lessly funny, am I right?

12. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-ng day at the office, huh?

13. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-ves it or hates it, this joke isn’t going away.

14. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-DI DA!

15. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-deed dawg, I’m on a roll with these law jokes.

16. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-ttest do this joke with a straight face.

17. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-fest and funniest joke you’ll hear all day.

18. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-ng time no hear from you.

19. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-enforcement can’t handle this level of humor.

20. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law, E-Gee, it’s just a joke!

21. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-biding citizen here for a laugh!

22. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-st but not least, another legal joke!

23. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-gical conclusion: you’re gonna love this one!

24. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-ffle your way through this one!

25. Knock, knock. Who’s there?: Law. Law who?: Law-verly excited to share this legal humor with you!

You can also see history puns.

Conclusion

And there you have our top lawyer puns that are sure to briefly light up your day.

Whether you’re preparing for a trial, studying for the bar exam, or just need a laugh during a busy workday, these puns are the perfect reminder that humor can be found even in the most serious professions.

If you have any favorite lawyer puns of your own, share them in the comments below. Until next time, may your arguments be sound and your humor ever sharper.